Post by rockydublin on Jul 24, 2020 22:28:10 GMT -5
Hold it Together by Mike Shinoda sung by Hawkflame
(Possible TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm)
Hawkflame sat a bit out of camp, sleep wasn’t going to come to him tonight and he didn’t want to bother any of the medicine cats or his siblings. At times like this he mostly sung to himself. It helped at times and hopefully it’d help tonight.
“She said ‘are you okay?’. And I'm staring into space. It's making her nervous 'cause one thing is certain, I don't have my head on straight.” This was a regular question both his sister and Honeyears would ask him. Most cats would ask him this, not that he blamed them. They’d ask him that whenever he got that distant look in his eyes, his body would be here, but his mind had a tendency to take him elsewhere. It was always something he hated about himself. “We're trying to get through each week. On two or three hours of sleep. I say ‘to be patient’, that we're going to make it, I have to admit that I'm struggling.” For a long time it was just him, during the night he would scream and even cry, no one was there to judge him, no one was there that could be bothered by his screams. Now though, he was with this clan, his sister, most of his family. He didn’t want to continuously wake everyone with the nightmares that plague him. All he could ask them is to be patient with him. He hated the fact that he had to ask them that. How even his siblings at times have had to ask others to show him patience. There were only a few cats he has willingly admitted he was still struggling with everything that has happened to him in the past. “They say take it slow. But the world keeps spinning, and that I don't control. And so there I go, trying to act normal, so they won't know that, I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together, darling. I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together, darling.” He rose to his paws as he started walking a route he and Quietstream went on quite frequently. That overwhelming feeling taking over again, walking always helped, as he continued to sing. “They say that they sympathize. I'm grateful they take the time, but bringing it up at this six year old birthday, it kinda fucks up my vibe. We end on an awkward note, I make the most awkward joke. Too dark to be funny, I shouldn't have come it'd be weird to go home, and I'm struggling.” There were a lot of cats here that did appear to understand and empathize with why he was the way he was. He couldn’t remember the cat, but they had recently turned 72 moons, and he didn’t really blame others for asking questions, but he would have preferred it if they talked to him privately instead of in front of everyone. And then he had to make that joke, of all the stupid things he had to say to deflect he chose humor... never doing that again.
“They say take it slow, but the world keeps spinning, and that I don't control. And so there I go, trying to act normal so they won't know that, I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling
I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling. Oh I don't know what else to try, pretend I'm in control, but I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling.” As the saying went; “fake it til you make it”. He’s talked about it all; his mother, the abuse he went through, everything, and yet it never really felt like it was helping. What else was he going to do? What else was there to try? He couldn’t hurt himself, he couldn’t do that to his siblings. He couldn’t end things, he’d only be hurting his family and he was too much of a coward to do it. There was nothing he could do except pretend he had things under control. And maybe if he pretended long enough, he’d even believe.
“I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling. I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling. Oh I don't know what else to try pretend I'm in control, but I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling.” Hawkflame let out a sigh as he looked up to the sky.
“You’re the only one who truly knows how I feel.” He spoke to the stars and moon. Unbeknownst to him though, he had an audience; Honeyears and his siblings. Wildsong had grown used to Hawkflame’s questionable sleep patterns and would keep an eye on him from afar so that her brother didn’t feel like he was being smothered or like a burden. Normally she went after him by herself, but something told her that she needed to bring more than herself.
“We do not tell him any of this.” Quietstream whispered quietly. If Hawkflame wanted to talk to them about this, he would. He trusted his brother enough to make that decision and he didn’t want him to stop trusting them. “We’ll head back to camp, let him have some time to himself.” He added before silently walking back to camp. Wildsong followed after, but Honeyears stayed a bit. She had a vague understanding about what had happened to Hawkflame, but she never really asked him to divulge his past to her. It wasn’t her business really, but as she spoke with the family more, the more she wanted to know so she could help him. Now more than ever. She wasn’t sure what he meant when he spoke to the moon and stars, but it did concern her and it saddened her that Hawkflame still had a hard time opening up about how he really felt. She would do as Quietstream suggested, but she would also do what she could to help the tom feel safer. With that she silently walked back, letting Hawkflame talk to the stars and moon to his heart’s content.
(Possible TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm)
Hawkflame sat a bit out of camp, sleep wasn’t going to come to him tonight and he didn’t want to bother any of the medicine cats or his siblings. At times like this he mostly sung to himself. It helped at times and hopefully it’d help tonight.
“She said ‘are you okay?’. And I'm staring into space. It's making her nervous 'cause one thing is certain, I don't have my head on straight.” This was a regular question both his sister and Honeyears would ask him. Most cats would ask him this, not that he blamed them. They’d ask him that whenever he got that distant look in his eyes, his body would be here, but his mind had a tendency to take him elsewhere. It was always something he hated about himself. “We're trying to get through each week. On two or three hours of sleep. I say ‘to be patient’, that we're going to make it, I have to admit that I'm struggling.” For a long time it was just him, during the night he would scream and even cry, no one was there to judge him, no one was there that could be bothered by his screams. Now though, he was with this clan, his sister, most of his family. He didn’t want to continuously wake everyone with the nightmares that plague him. All he could ask them is to be patient with him. He hated the fact that he had to ask them that. How even his siblings at times have had to ask others to show him patience. There were only a few cats he has willingly admitted he was still struggling with everything that has happened to him in the past. “They say take it slow. But the world keeps spinning, and that I don't control. And so there I go, trying to act normal, so they won't know that, I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together, darling. I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together, darling.” He rose to his paws as he started walking a route he and Quietstream went on quite frequently. That overwhelming feeling taking over again, walking always helped, as he continued to sing. “They say that they sympathize. I'm grateful they take the time, but bringing it up at this six year old birthday, it kinda fucks up my vibe. We end on an awkward note, I make the most awkward joke. Too dark to be funny, I shouldn't have come it'd be weird to go home, and I'm struggling.” There were a lot of cats here that did appear to understand and empathize with why he was the way he was. He couldn’t remember the cat, but they had recently turned 72 moons, and he didn’t really blame others for asking questions, but he would have preferred it if they talked to him privately instead of in front of everyone. And then he had to make that joke, of all the stupid things he had to say to deflect he chose humor... never doing that again.
“They say take it slow, but the world keeps spinning, and that I don't control. And so there I go, trying to act normal so they won't know that, I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling
I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling. Oh I don't know what else to try, pretend I'm in control, but I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling.” As the saying went; “fake it til you make it”. He’s talked about it all; his mother, the abuse he went through, everything, and yet it never really felt like it was helping. What else was he going to do? What else was there to try? He couldn’t hurt himself, he couldn’t do that to his siblings. He couldn’t end things, he’d only be hurting his family and he was too much of a coward to do it. There was nothing he could do except pretend he had things under control. And maybe if he pretended long enough, he’d even believe.
“I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling. I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling. Oh I don't know what else to try pretend I'm in control, but I'm just trying to hold my shit together. Together darling.” Hawkflame let out a sigh as he looked up to the sky.
“You’re the only one who truly knows how I feel.” He spoke to the stars and moon. Unbeknownst to him though, he had an audience; Honeyears and his siblings. Wildsong had grown used to Hawkflame’s questionable sleep patterns and would keep an eye on him from afar so that her brother didn’t feel like he was being smothered or like a burden. Normally she went after him by herself, but something told her that she needed to bring more than herself.
“We do not tell him any of this.” Quietstream whispered quietly. If Hawkflame wanted to talk to them about this, he would. He trusted his brother enough to make that decision and he didn’t want him to stop trusting them. “We’ll head back to camp, let him have some time to himself.” He added before silently walking back to camp. Wildsong followed after, but Honeyears stayed a bit. She had a vague understanding about what had happened to Hawkflame, but she never really asked him to divulge his past to her. It wasn’t her business really, but as she spoke with the family more, the more she wanted to know so she could help him. Now more than ever. She wasn’t sure what he meant when he spoke to the moon and stars, but it did concern her and it saddened her that Hawkflame still had a hard time opening up about how he really felt. She would do as Quietstream suggested, but she would also do what she could to help the tom feel safer. With that she silently walked back, letting Hawkflame talk to the stars and moon to his heart’s content.