A Heart Like Yours
"And then I told Opalsmoke that I really do think that Stallionstep likes her- he's just shy. He's a big huge tom, you know. I've noticed a lot of the big fellas tend to be a bit on the shy side..." Pearlshell was chattering idly on, talking eagerly to her snail- Flash- as he nestled inside the acorn charm on her necklace. She gave the snail a tiny pat on his head as she plucked some berries from a bush and began to chew on them thoughtfully. "I would really love for my sister to court someone, Flash. I think some new love in our little family would do us good." When the snail just peeked out of the acorn to look up at her with his stilted eyes, Pearlshell huffed in exasperation. "Well! Think about it! Momma's gone..." that familiar sadness entered Pearlshell's blue eyes and she shook it away. "I mean, Rowan and Sunny are on the mend but they're not quite right just yet. Crowcharm and Ravenhex have had very little interest in courtship since they joined the Valley. And don't you
even get me started on Lionstreak- the big brute! I don't know. I just think that it would do us some good to have a splash of new life. Cade's kits are all apprentices now and we could use some babies..." Pearlshell flicked one of her big ears when she heard something rustling in the bushes. She hunkered down low to the ground and let the last pick of her berries fall to the forest floor. "Who's there?" she called. The wind answered her. She could smell the scent of rabbit downwind and her heart started to race. She knew hunting was part of her duty to the clan... she just hated to kill a living creature. She heard twigs snap again and was sure it wasn't the rabbit. Someone was watching her. "I said who's there?! Opal- if that's you- it isn't funny!"
"I'm no harm to you," came a gentle voice that she didn't recognize. It was male- whoever it was- and he had an accent that didn't belong to someone in the Valley. Pearlshell's body covered in goosebumps and she took an uneasy step back.
"Who are you?... Where are you? I can't see you."
"That's because I'm hiding," the voice replied simply. Pearlshell narrowed her pupils.
"Why hide if you mean me no harm?"
"Quite plainly speaking, my lady, it is
I who fears you may harm
me."
"I don't like harming things," Pearl said in a softer voice than she intended. "I won't hurt you."
"I didn't think you would. You seem very pacifistic from what I've seen of you the last few weeks."
"The last few weeks?!" Pearlshell recoiled, jumping to her paws so quickly that she nearly knocked Flash from her necklace. "Have you been spying on me?! How did you get into the Valley without the Watchers seeing you?"
"Well... they
did see me, I'm afraid. Chased me right down from the mountains into the forest. I've been hiding since then. There's a... lot of you, aren't there?"
"You didn't answer my other questions," Pearlshell snorted. "And yeah- Cloudclan has numbers in the hundreds."
"I've been hiding, as I've said," the voice told her again. "I've seen a lot of you come and go. Sometimes in groups of many. Some older with younger. Sometimes one or two at a time. Sometimes alone. I've tried to learn your patterns so that I wouldn't be spotted. I... I just happened to see you one day. You were by the river. Collecting drops of dew on moss for that pet of yours. I just thought it was so... kind of you. To care for him as you do."
"Flash is not my pet. He's my best friend," Pearlshell countered evenly. She took a step forward and heard the bushes rustle. She froze. "Why are you so afraid of me? A hairless cat with a snail in an acorn scares you?"
"I am easily frightened by the unknown. Only a fool wouldn't be," he replied and Pearlshell noticed the sincerity in his voice. She flicked back her ears and took another step forward. This time- her companion didn't move.
"I'm Pearlshell," she said after a long moment. "My friends and family just call me Pearl."
"Pearl... that's a beautiful name," he replied after a heartbeat. "I'm Bo."
"Bo?" Pearlshell pricked her ears. "Are you a rogue?"
"A drifter, of sorts," he replied. "And Bo is short for Borealis... I'm not really sure why my mother named me Borealis. But I've gone by Bo nearly all my life."
"It's nice to meet you, Bo..." Pearlshell was conflicted. She knew she should either attack this stranger- and defend her clan-or call for help so someone else could do it for her. But there was something so... genuine? In his voice. Something that felt safe and warm. She took a step back. "But I... I really should be going."
"Can I see you again?"
"I haven't seen you at all," she retorted calmly. "That seems hardly fair, don't you think?" He was quiet for a long while.
"If you'll meet with me again... I'll consider it. I just... I'm really insecure about my appearance."
"I don't have fur," Pearlshell countered. "Can't be worse than that."
"Try me." She bit her lip in thought. He had her interest. Whoever he was.
"Two days from now... moonhigh. Meet me by the waterfall."
"Top of the falls or the bottom?"
"The top." She began to back away, never taking her eyes off the bush where the voice was coming from. "I'll see you then, Borealis."
"I'll see you then, Pearlshell."
---
"I can't believe I'm doing this! I must be mad. I'm going to get murdered and thrown off the falls. What would Daddy say?... Oh,
stars, Flash, I should have told someone. I... I'm just going to go. It's moonhigh and he's not here yet so he's not coming..."
"Do you always talk to yourself like that when you're nervous?" Bo's voice came from the shadows and Pearlshell whipped around, goosebumps racing up her spine. She could see nothing but for the silver light of the moon and the shadows cast from the forest. Pearlshell hunkered down low and narrowed her pupils.
"Bo,
please show yourself. I promise- I don't care what you look like..."
"You look beautiful in the starlight," his voice responded- calm as the lake- soft as the sand on the shore. It caught her off guard. Color filled Pearl's cheeks and she looked away.
"Stop it. Don't lie to me. And don't change the subject!"
"But I'm not lying to you. I don't think I ever could lie to you. You're so... pure, Pearlshell. I feel like being dishonest to you would be a crime."
"And yet you won't let me see you?"
"Your father sees nothing."
"And why does that!..." Pearl stopped midsentence. She took a cautious step back, never removing her eyes from the place where she guessed Bo was hiding. "How... did you know my father can't see?"
"Because he doesn't have eyes, Pearlshell. I've seen you with him. I told you... I've been around this valley for months. But, the reason I wanted to bring him up is because... he is a tom filled with joy and life. And he doesn't see a thing and never has. Do you really have to see me to enjoy my company?"
"No, but..." Pearlshell sighed in defeat and flopped down in the dewy grass. "But I
know my dad. I don't... know you. At all."
"Well, then let's change that. Ask me something. Anything. And I'll reply with complete honesty."
"What do you look like? Describe yourself to me. In detail."
Bo sighed in exasperation and Pearlshell chuckled at her tiny victory. "You just won't quit, will you?"
"Nope. So get talking, Borealis."
"I have..." he paused. "Medium-length fur. Mostly short except for around my head, throat, and chest."
"What color?"
"White. With gray stripes along my sides and flanks. My paws, ears, and muzzle are also shaded gray."
"Interesting. I didn't expect that," Pearlshell purred as she tried to imagine this tom in her mind. "Eyes?"
"Blue. Like my mother."
"Any distinguishable features?"
"I have a bobbed tail, a white chin, and my right ear has three deep cuts in it from a run-in with a wild dog when I was younger."
Pearlshell shuttered. "Anything else?"
"I keep some bluebird feathers in my fur at all times."
"Why?"
Bo was quiet for a long time. "Tell me about yourself. What's your family like?"
"You changed the subject," Pearlshell argued but Bo just chuckled at her.
"And we need to get to know
each other. So, Pearlshell... talk."
And for hours, that's what they did. Pearl had gone on in length for some time about every member of her family. About Sunny and his rocky marriage, about her beautiful late mother, and about her unusual father with his void eyes. Bo asked her lots of questions and she answered them eagerly- about Lion and Cade and Colt or Raven and Crow. Finally, when the first dim rays of dawn were starting to filter in the sky, Bo called to her from the dying crest of the shadows.
"It's time for us to part ways for now, Pearlshell."
"Can I see you again?" she asked with stars in her eyes. She'd never talked to anyone this long that didn't share kinship with her. And she no longer felt threatened in Bo's presence. More than anything else she felt comforted and warm. She took a few paces toward the vale he was using and her companion receded further into the tree line. "Bo? Can we do this again?"
"Meet me by the Hot Springs tomorrow at dusk."
"Will I see you then?" she asked but Bo was already gone.
---
The next night, Pearlshell got Bo's backstory. And it nearly broke her heart.
He was born the only child to his mother who left for food shortly after he was born and never returned. He would have surely died had his mother's nest not been built inside a poplar tree that was inhabited by a family of bluebirds. That family of birds saw baby Bo- alone and abandoned- and set off to find someone to care for him and brought back a mother rabbit who took him in. But still the bluebirds watched Bo. When he was old enough to understand he was different, the birds told him about his true origins and that they had been friends with his mother. It wasn't long after when tragedy struck Borealis a second time. His adopted family were all killed by a wild dog. All but Bo- who was rescued once again by the bluebirds. Bo went rogue for a while after that and travelled on his own for many years- dealing with the hardships of the wild and all that comes with being alone in the world. One day he eventually made it back to the poplar where he was born and found only one of the bluebirds left- the sweet mother who half raised him- Clara. All of her baby birds had gone and she was alone. Bo stayed with her and cared for her for the rest of her days until she passed- and he took some of her feathers with him so that he'd always have something of his true mother with him.
"... and that's why I keep the feathers. I braid one into my chest fur or tuck it behind my ear. The rest I keep in the nest I've made here in the valley."
Pearlshell wiped tears from her eyes with the back of her paw. She took a few paces forward until she was only a few tail-lengths away from the shadows. Her heart was hammering in her chest. "Bo... I want to comfort you." He was silent for a heartbeat.
"Is that what will make you happy?"
Pearlshell's soul ached. "Yes."
"Close your eyes." Without even thinking, she obeyed. Pearlshell took those final steps forward in the dark until she found warmth. She drew in a deep breath as Bo's wiry fur met her face and she had to force her eyes to stay shut. She buried her muzzle into his chest and purred as he placed an arm around her. She could hear his wild heart hammering in his chest.
"Are you frightened?" she asked him, still drinking in his scent. It was so incredibly different than anything she'd ever known. Wild. Foreign. And dark in a way the earth is. In the way the wind is. He didn't answer her. "Are you frightened?" she repeated.
"Only of what you may think of me," he replied as he exhaled. "You have bewitched me, Pearlshell. I am... horribly, utterly, entirely maddened by the thought of you. I have spent so incredibly long on my own. And now all I desire is to be by your side... and I can't be."
"Because you're a rogue?" she whispered as she pulled her tail around and used it to flick his flank. "It doesn't matter! Rogues join Cloudclan all the time."
"I could never join Cloudclan, Pearlshell... they'd never accept me."
"You don't know that!" Pearl gasped as she recoiled back. Instinctively, her eyes flew open. Before she'd even opened them all the way, Bo had bolted from her sight. The agony she felt in her soul from his absence beside her nearly brought tears to her eyes. "Borealis! Please don't go!"
"Meet me tomorrow."
"Bo, please, wait!"
"I'll find you. I promise." And then he was gone and Pearlshell had never felt so alone.
---
They carried on that way for a long time. Weeks. And then moons. Everyone in camp had noticed a difference in the odd molly who didn't like to hunt and talked to her pet snail. She was happier, brighter, more bubbly. Harbinger had bugged her to pieces to tell him who had her so twitterpated. She wouldn't give him even a scrap of her time about it. And Opalsmoke?! It was driving her absolutely bonkers that she could just not figure out who it was that had her sister so incredibly smitten. She'd screened half the clan, bothered Pearlshell to the point of agitation, and talked to just about anyone that she figured
might be her sister's type. But nobody knew anything and if they did... they weren't telling.
Bit by bit, Bo had allowed Pearlshell more and more of himself. For the first few months, he'd only be physically close to her if she closed her eyes. Eventually, they moved on to sitting back-to-back in each other's company- swapping stories or talking about their dreams. But Pearlshell needed more. And today... she was putting it all on the line. She walked to the top of the waterfall with a token for Bo in her mouth. It was something small- something she'd asked Sunny to make for him. A brilliant ivy necklace with a thin holster that would hold Clara's feathers. She sat, tucked her tail around her paws, laid the gift in front of her, and waited. It didn't take long.
"You look breathtaking tonight, my darling," his smooth voice came from the shadows. "Radiant even. Say- where's Flash?"
"I left him with Opalsmoke for tonight," she replied gently. "I wanted to give you my undivided attention."
"Oh?" Bo chuckled. "What makes tonight so special?"
"I met you in the forest six moons ago tonight," she replied with a twinkle in her eye. "You scared me to pieces."
"Sorry about that."
"Do you remember me telling you about Anlach?" Pearl asked and Bo caught his breath.
"Yes. The celebration of love and life your clan and allies hold every season. What of it?"
"Tonight is the first night of the festival," Pearlshell replied as blood roared in her ears. She stared expectedly into the shadows- halfway wondering if she just willed it hard enough that the tom who had her heart would just manifest before her into flesh and bone. Even after all this time... he didn't seem real. "I've brought you a token." She nudged the vine-braid forward. "It's for Clara's feathers... so you can wear one as a necklace instead of twining them in your fur or sticking them behind your ears. I had Sunny make it so I can swear by the quality. I just... don't want for you to lose them. I know how precious they are to you." Bo was dead silent. Her heart dropped. "But... I want for you to come get it.
Please, Bo. I want to see you. I... I love you. No matter what you look like. It won't change anything between us."
Bo was silent. Pearlshell felt tears welling in her eyes. "Please! Bo, I love you. I..."
"I love you too." She heard shuffling. The faintest movement. The silence of his footfall. And then the shadows broke and he stepped into the moonlight. He was taller than she'd imagined he would be. With fur as white as snow. And eyes a piercing blue. It took her breath away. That... and...
"You're... you're a hare?" Pearlshell's ears laid flat against her head as Bo stopped in front of her. He looked down at his paws. Her heart drummed in her chest as she tried to piece it all together. "You... lied to me?"
"I never did," Bo replied steadily as he lifted his gaze and found her eyes. "Everything I've ever told you was the truth."
"You said the Watchers chased you into the Valley!"
"They were hunting me!" he replied desperately with an urgent look in his eyes. "Why else would they not report it to Cloudclan immediately?... what threat is a giant white hare? He's just someone's next meal."
"Your... you were adopted?..."
"By a rabbit... named Milda after my birth mother disappeared. All of that is true."
Pearlshell felt her world falling apart. How could this be? "But... you can talk! And I can understand you and you're... so
different from other rabbits, I... I don't understand."
"Clara told me that... my birth mother was a rabbit who escaped from a human lab somewhere in the Blue Mountains," Bo told her softly as he placed a paw over her own. "She was smarter than others due to testing they did on her while she was at the facility. Because of that, I was born smarter too...
please, Pearlshell. I-I didn't ask to be born like this! I didn't ask to be this way. I don't know why I am the way I am or how I know what I do... but I just... do. And it's lonely and scary and crazy and I just..." he looked away. "All I have wanted from the moment I laid eyes on you was to get to know you. I fell... so head over heels before I even knew your name. I thought that... if I could just talk to you once, that I would be able to rule you out in my mind and that's just not what happened. From our first conversation I was hooked. And the more we talked- the more I knew... I just knew I was meant to love you. And I'm not going to apologize for that. I... I love you, Pearl. And no matter what anyone says- I don't intend to stop." He met her gaze again- icy blue eyes searing into teal depths. "I won't ever let you go... if you don't want me to."
Pearlshell played it all over again in her head. She imagined her father's confusion. Her sister's panic. Her brothers' disgust. She imagined all of the scowls and dirty looks from her clan. She looked down at her paw, nestled safely under Bo's own... and saw it hairless. And she remembered then just who she was. Witheredleaf and Harbingerstrike's second born daughter. Her father had been a subject of Mountain Corp. He, a hairless tom without eyes whom everyone feared... and yet an elderly she-cat fell irrevocably in love with him. In the Tribe, there were two couples she knew of that were made up of animals of two different species. Algernon and Aster- a rat and a molly. And Amber and Acher- a she-cat and a fox. If...
they could love. If her parents could love... if
anyone could love... Why can't we?She looked up into Borealis' eyes and found nothing there but the calm, adoring comfort she had come to know as familiarly as her own shadow. She reached up her spare paw and cupped his cheek. She pressed her nose to his own and drank in that warm, enticing, foreign scent that had intoxicated her all those moons ago. Then- she kissed him.
"Bo?" she whispered and he flicked one of those giant ears at her.
"Yes, my darling?"
"I think you're the most beautiful hare I've ever seen. And I am so, so, so very glad... that you're mine."